According to Me

I don't plan to make a habit of this, but today's post is brought to you by Ricard's White (which, indelicately, means that I have had 3 beers, and am therefore not writing a sober post. . . oh Jesus, drunk blogging. . . forgive any spelling or grammar mishaps herein).

So, here it is. Another singleton's blog about being single. But, by way of changing things up, I offer you a new twist on things: this is not a blog about complaining, whining, moaning, bitching, philosophizing as to the demented reason why "oh WHY God did I spend another Friday night alone? Why does no one love me?" Nope. Fuck that, kids. This blog is about me finally learning to not only accept that I am single, but to really embrace it.

It may have taken me 26 years, and a lot of lying to myself, but I can honestly, genuinely (and it's not the beer talking) tell you that I really love where I am in my life. I love the opportunity and freedom that being single allows for me. And fuck knows I love being about to oogle beautiful men at any given moment. (As of this moment, the oogle-ee of my eye is one Alexander Skarsgard, aka Eric Northman on True Blood).

But, being that I haven't really dated since 2004, haven't had sex since last May (almost 16 months if you really need the breakdown), and I have unequivocally the worst lucky humanly possible when it comes to getting mixed signals from men, I have decided to take an in depth look into the reasons for my single status.

These can be genuine reasons (commitmentphobia, abandonment issues), to the outright ridiculous (Cosmo tells me it's inappropriate to disagree with my boyfriend's opinions on things). I want to know why everyone ELSE thinks I'm single. Everyone from Ukrainian grandmothers, to elementary school librarians (the latter of which actually DID have an opinion).

I'm hoping that the absurdity of the reasons may help other singles stop stressing the hell out, and really learn to enjoy time spent with the most important person in your life. You.